Swami Naktap - Special to the Cobbfather Post Gazette
AL West
St. Louis Wiffle Ball Kings (99-63, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap knows that St. Louis are not only the kings of wiffle ball, but also the AL West. Naktap doesn't see any other team in the division that is as complete as St. Louis, which means that even if the Wiffle Ball Kings show up to home plate with giant plastic bats, they should still outperform their division rivals. Swami sees this well balanced team taking the division, but not quite reaching 100 wins.
Prediction: 97-65 - 1st place
San Diego Spicolis (65-97, 3rd place)
--Swami Naktap sees the best pitching staff in the division playing in a pitchers park, and can say nothing but, "DUDE!" Unfortunately Naktap sees the lineup and can only say, "dude." But together the combination of dudes should equal a winning record in sunny San Diego. Swami says that with the addition of a few more hitters of quality, the Spicolis will be a team that Sean Penn would be proud of.
Prediction: 81-81 - 2nd place
Colorado Beer Bashers (73-89, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap took one look at the power residing in Beer Bashers lineup and nearly spit out his hot peppers. If the pitching can hold opponents to less than 6 runs a game, the Beer Bashers should win more than they lose. But swami thinks that because they play in Colorado, that might not be possible. But it will be close, and when Naktap attends a game, he will be sure to bring his mitt to catch one of the many homers that are sure to be hit in Colorado.
Prediction: 80-82 - 3rd place
Tucson Tonsil Ticklers (54-108, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap learned many things whilst learning to become a baseball guru. One of them was to never pick a team from Tucson to have a winning record. Like a black mark hovering over a man walking under a ladder crossed by a black cat, Tucson is a cursed city. But still people try, and lv4sublime is the latest owner to try and break the runes that bind Tucson to underachievement. Unless Tucson can start Felipe Lacouna at catcher every day, Naktap sees a very high ERA in Tucson.
Prediction:
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Season 2 Preview - NL West
Swami Naktap - Special to Cobbfather Post Gazette
NL West
Honolulu Haoles (101-61, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap sees a team that will be living the aloha spirit in Hawaii, greeting opponents with what might be the leagues best pitching staff. Swami says that the Haoles are huge fans of Don Ho, and will just hang loose and just have fun all the way to a division title. But swami says that the race will be very close, as the rest of the NL West is very close in talent to Honolulu. Swami sees one weak spot on the Haoles that could cost them, and it is an everyday lineup that isn't quite as solid as Sacramanto or Vancouver's lineups.
Prediction: 98-64 - 1st place.
Sacramento Fighting Cornish Hens (101-61, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap would have picked the Fighting Cornish Hens to finish 1st this season, but the huge injury to elite setup man Mitchell McElroy helps put the Hens bullpen in the freezer section next to the larger edible fowl. Still, swami says that the acquistion of Moises Terrero changes the complexion of Sacramento, and gives the hens some cock fighting spurs that the lineup lacked last season.
Prediction: 97-65 - 2nd place
Vancouver Lumberjacks (88-74, 3rd place)
--Swami says these aren't the kind of lumberjacks you hear about in Monty Python skits, instead these are the kind that mow down opposing bats like chainsaws through twigs thanks to the arms of Tony Saunders, Odalis Diaz, Hiram Dong, and Calvin Pong. Swami says that if the lineup can match the pitching staffs production then 95 wins is a real possibility. These lumberjacks are definately ok.
Prediction: 95-67 - 3rd place
Las Vegas Hardways (73-89, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap says that Las Vegas definitely had it the hard way last season with three quality division opponents. Swami says that they won't have it any easier this season, but should still ante up in what might be the toughest division in the league. Swami sees the lineup equalling the outputs of the rest of the NL West, but sees the pitching staff having trouble keeping chips on the table.
Prediction: 78-84 - 4th place
NL West
Honolulu Haoles (101-61, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap sees a team that will be living the aloha spirit in Hawaii, greeting opponents with what might be the leagues best pitching staff. Swami says that the Haoles are huge fans of Don Ho, and will just hang loose and just have fun all the way to a division title. But swami says that the race will be very close, as the rest of the NL West is very close in talent to Honolulu. Swami sees one weak spot on the Haoles that could cost them, and it is an everyday lineup that isn't quite as solid as Sacramanto or Vancouver's lineups.
Prediction: 98-64 - 1st place.
Sacramento Fighting Cornish Hens (101-61, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap would have picked the Fighting Cornish Hens to finish 1st this season, but the huge injury to elite setup man Mitchell McElroy helps put the Hens bullpen in the freezer section next to the larger edible fowl. Still, swami says that the acquistion of Moises Terrero changes the complexion of Sacramento, and gives the hens some cock fighting spurs that the lineup lacked last season.
Prediction: 97-65 - 2nd place
Vancouver Lumberjacks (88-74, 3rd place)
--Swami says these aren't the kind of lumberjacks you hear about in Monty Python skits, instead these are the kind that mow down opposing bats like chainsaws through twigs thanks to the arms of Tony Saunders, Odalis Diaz, Hiram Dong, and Calvin Pong. Swami says that if the lineup can match the pitching staffs production then 95 wins is a real possibility. These lumberjacks are definately ok.
Prediction: 95-67 - 3rd place
Las Vegas Hardways (73-89, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap says that Las Vegas definitely had it the hard way last season with three quality division opponents. Swami says that they won't have it any easier this season, but should still ante up in what might be the toughest division in the league. Swami sees the lineup equalling the outputs of the rest of the NL West, but sees the pitching staff having trouble keeping chips on the table.
Prediction: 78-84 - 4th place
Season 2 Preview - AL South
Swami Naktap - Special to Cobbfather Post Gazette
AL South
Florida Shark Waves (112-50, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap sees yet another season of Jaws induced terror for the rest of the league, as the Shark Waves did not lose any of their teeth from last season. In fact, swami says that Florida may have grown another row of deadly sharp razors with the feeding frenzy of trades that took place in the offseason. Naktap sees the rest of the AL as chum in the water for the Florida Shark Waves.
Prediction: 111-51 - 1st place
Monterrey Ducks (102-60, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap feels bad for the Ducks. It is not an easy feat to win 102 games, and still finish ten games back in your division. But Naktap knows that the Ducks have the hearts of lions, and will rebound to give it another attempt. Swami says that Stuart Paulson will have another year to remember in the annals of all time Duckdom, and that Monterrey should take a wildcard spot.
Prediction: 99-63 - 2nd place
Wichita Heat Wave (60-102, 3rd place)
--Swami Naktap sees a team that made a very good decision in moving from Santa Fe to Wichita. But Naktap doesn't see the defense and pitching needed to utilize the cavernous Lawrence-Dumont Stadium. Swami says that the Heat Wave lineup will be complaining bitterly to management about their lack of hits and how it will affect their contract and arbitration negotiations, and sees the potential for corked bats by the end of the season. Still, it will be an improvement over last season, and swami knows that the Heat Wave are the coolest thing in Wichita.
Prediction: 72-90 - 3rd place
Mexico City Gringos (47-115, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap didn't know how to define the Gringos, so he looked them up. Gringo (feminine, gringa) is a Spanish and Portuguese word used in Latin America to denote foreign Spanish- and foreign Portuguese-speakers (regardless of race), especially English-speakers from the U.S., and Canadians, Britons, Australians, and Kiwis, and some Latin Americans. Hispanophones disagree whether or not gringo is derogatory. The American Heritage Dictionary entry classifies gringo as "offensive slang", "usually disparaging", and "often disparaging". The usages of gringo sometimes are derogatory, paternalistic, and condescendingly endearing, especially when a foreigner condescends to the people and culture he or she is visiting. Swami Naktap found all of this to be rather too much to digest, and just figured that Gringo also meant the worst major league team in Cobbfather.
Prediction: 38-124 - 4th place
AL South
Florida Shark Waves (112-50, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap sees yet another season of Jaws induced terror for the rest of the league, as the Shark Waves did not lose any of their teeth from last season. In fact, swami says that Florida may have grown another row of deadly sharp razors with the feeding frenzy of trades that took place in the offseason. Naktap sees the rest of the AL as chum in the water for the Florida Shark Waves.
Prediction: 111-51 - 1st place
Monterrey Ducks (102-60, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap feels bad for the Ducks. It is not an easy feat to win 102 games, and still finish ten games back in your division. But Naktap knows that the Ducks have the hearts of lions, and will rebound to give it another attempt. Swami says that Stuart Paulson will have another year to remember in the annals of all time Duckdom, and that Monterrey should take a wildcard spot.
Prediction: 99-63 - 2nd place
Wichita Heat Wave (60-102, 3rd place)
--Swami Naktap sees a team that made a very good decision in moving from Santa Fe to Wichita. But Naktap doesn't see the defense and pitching needed to utilize the cavernous Lawrence-Dumont Stadium. Swami says that the Heat Wave lineup will be complaining bitterly to management about their lack of hits and how it will affect their contract and arbitration negotiations, and sees the potential for corked bats by the end of the season. Still, it will be an improvement over last season, and swami knows that the Heat Wave are the coolest thing in Wichita.
Prediction: 72-90 - 3rd place
Mexico City Gringos (47-115, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap didn't know how to define the Gringos, so he looked them up. Gringo (feminine, gringa) is a Spanish and Portuguese word used in Latin America to denote foreign Spanish- and foreign Portuguese-speakers (regardless of race), especially English-speakers from the U.S., and Canadians, Britons, Australians, and Kiwis, and some Latin Americans. Hispanophones disagree whether or not gringo is derogatory. The American Heritage Dictionary entry classifies gringo as "offensive slang", "usually disparaging", and "often disparaging". The usages of gringo sometimes are derogatory, paternalistic, and condescendingly endearing, especially when a foreigner condescends to the people and culture he or she is visiting. Swami Naktap found all of this to be rather too much to digest, and just figured that Gringo also meant the worst major league team in Cobbfather.
Prediction: 38-124 - 4th place
Season 2 Preview - NL South
Swami Naktap - Special to Cobbfather Post Gazette
NL South
Texas Fried Pickles (97-65, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap says the Fried Pickles are the very best of carnival food, superior to even the vaunted elephant ear. The product on the field will also be at the top of junk food alley, and will give opponents bellyaches like the morning after a night at the state fair. The lineup is as crushing as a giant pork tenderloin, and the pitching staff is sweeter than a funnel cake. This combination should propel Texas to a division championship.
Prediction: 101-61 - 1st place
Memphis Goats (99-63, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap would have liked to have been celebrating at Silky O'Sullivans after the Goats World Series triumph last season. The Goats won the division and took the series, but swami says that Memphis will have a hard time repeating that feat as Texas is an extremely deep team. But Naktap sees the Goats chewing their way through the fence and finding their way past the bar into a wildcard spot.
Prediction: 97-65 - 2nd place
Oklahoma City Fighting Lint (71-91, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap does not enjoy fighting lint, so he makes sure to clean the lint trap on his dryer after every cycle. Swami says the baseball fighting lint are like a mid grade $500 dryer, good enough to dry your clothes without ruining them, but not good enough to have a lingerie cycle. This middle of the road approach for a franchise in transition should yield a .500 season, which while a bit stiff in the neckline, is better than being damp-dry.
Prediction: 81-81 - 3rd place.
Jacksonville Klines (76-86. 3rd place)
--Swami Naktap believes that Buddy Poole is good enough to live up to the awesome legacy of Dallas Kline. Naktap also believes that the rest of the team has a ways to go to reach hall of fame potential. Still, like the all timer from Cobb World, the Klines have the never say die fighting spirit, and swami says they will be a tough out for any team, even if they are not elite as a unit. Naktap sees the offense driving the team to a respectable record, but the pitching staff having some letdowns.
Prediction: 76-86 - 4th place.
NL South
Texas Fried Pickles (97-65, 2nd place)
--Swami Naktap says the Fried Pickles are the very best of carnival food, superior to even the vaunted elephant ear. The product on the field will also be at the top of junk food alley, and will give opponents bellyaches like the morning after a night at the state fair. The lineup is as crushing as a giant pork tenderloin, and the pitching staff is sweeter than a funnel cake. This combination should propel Texas to a division championship.
Prediction: 101-61 - 1st place
Memphis Goats (99-63, 1st place)
--Swami Naktap would have liked to have been celebrating at Silky O'Sullivans after the Goats World Series triumph last season. The Goats won the division and took the series, but swami says that Memphis will have a hard time repeating that feat as Texas is an extremely deep team. But Naktap sees the Goats chewing their way through the fence and finding their way past the bar into a wildcard spot.
Prediction: 97-65 - 2nd place
Oklahoma City Fighting Lint (71-91, 4th place)
--Swami Naktap does not enjoy fighting lint, so he makes sure to clean the lint trap on his dryer after every cycle. Swami says the baseball fighting lint are like a mid grade $500 dryer, good enough to dry your clothes without ruining them, but not good enough to have a lingerie cycle. This middle of the road approach for a franchise in transition should yield a .500 season, which while a bit stiff in the neckline, is better than being damp-dry.
Prediction: 81-81 - 3rd place.
Jacksonville Klines (76-86. 3rd place)
--Swami Naktap believes that Buddy Poole is good enough to live up to the awesome legacy of Dallas Kline. Naktap also believes that the rest of the team has a ways to go to reach hall of fame potential. Still, like the all timer from Cobb World, the Klines have the never say die fighting spirit, and swami says they will be a tough out for any team, even if they are not elite as a unit. Naktap sees the offense driving the team to a respectable record, but the pitching staff having some letdowns.
Prediction: 76-86 - 4th place.
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