Tito McQueen - Contributing Reporter
Anonymous sources have stated that the owner of the Florida Springbreakers has unknowingly brought a curse upon the Cobbfather world. It is common knowledge that prior to minihouston's arrival in the league, talent flowed like spice on the planet Dune. Since then however talent has been more akin to the dry desert environment of the named planet, nearly devoid of life. Is this sudden shift in talent abundance mere coincidence, or something deeper? By most accounts, it is unfortunately the latter.
Sources report that prior to his arrival in Cobbfather, minihouston dealt with the business of garbage cans. This may have been innocent enough, but multiple sources indicate that minihouston invited ruin and a plague of suboptimal baseball players to follow in his wake when he denied a set of yard mowing goats the privilege of dining within a set of his garbage cans. Said one witness to the event, "At first I thought they were just goats, but then they spoke! I know it sounds crazy but I saw it with my own eyes, it's true!"
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| Surprisingly the garbage in Florida isn't even fit for goats. |
When asked what these improbably lingual capras had to say, he expanded, "They looked at minihouston square in the face with their rectangular pupils, and bleated out, 'You BAAASTARD, We are actually three talent scouts in disguise, and the fact that you won't even pay us in garbage speaks to how you value our services! We place a curse upon you and all with whom you acquaint! Double, single, triple, balk - in your wake no talent walks!' And then the goats disappeared into thin air, as if they were a 17th overall draft pick after a Type A free agent signing."
Improbable as it may seem, one need only to look at the free agent pool and sad sack results of last seasons draft to see the truth in those words. Only time will tell if minihouston can break the curse and free talent to once again make Cobbfather home.