Chuck Biscuits - Contributing Reporter
After seeing their names bandied about in trade chatter and put up on the block, the collective pitching staff of the Houston Space Cowboys have embraced the belittling comments of their franchise owner and taken that blue collar mentality to heart.
Said owner rawdk, "My SPs are cheaper than what you'll pay in the FA market, TC me if interested." While there is no doubting the veracity of his statement given Samuel Perez's brand new 125 million dollar contract, the morale hit it delivered to his pitching staff cannot be understated.
Said pitcher on the block Benji 'Bargain Bin' Lopez, "I need to fire my agent. 6.8 million dollars per annum? What a rip off! I should be getting 20 million if Perez is getting 20 million!" His teammate and fellow trade target Blade 'Dollar Menu' Bellhorn echoed that sentiment, "My 6.5 million dollar deal is a joke. I can only afford three vacation homes with this money, while Perez can buy seven."
When asked about how they felt being put up on the block after giving their primes to the Houston Space Cowboys at what is an apparent discount, Charlie 'Roll Back' Bowles spoke and Maicer 'Skin Flint' Franco agreed, "We got jobbed by the system. If only we'd hired Scott Boras as our agent instead of Jerry Maguire. Never trust a football man to ink a baseball contract!"
However despite all of the financial hardship the Space Cowboys pitchers have embraced their lot and collectively decided to rename their bullpen 'The Clearance Aisle.' "Might as well be the best rock bottomed giveaway pitchers we can be," concluded Bellhorn.
