Miss Cleo Predicts the Future

The Cobbfather Post Gazette has contracted noted psychic Miss Cleo to predict who will dominate and who will falter this season in Cobbfather World. Here is what she had to say.

National League

I be seein in me crystal ball dat der be winners comin from de cities of Sacramento, Minnesota, Memphis, and Tampa Bay darlin! Wildcard spots be comin' from da NL South, de toughest division in da league, all four teams are hot baby, but only tree can get into da playoffs. Ultimately I be seein dat after many hard games in da playoffs, de Texas Fried Pickles will suprise and make de World Series baby!

American League

After chekin me tarot cards, I be thinkin dem speedy Rat Bastids of Fargo will be winnin der division, and will be joined by dem Trentons, Monterreys, and San Diegos as division winners. Also makin de playoffs will be Pawtucket and St. Louis darlin! After drawin me cards, I be knowin dat Pawtucket will be makin de World Series in der American League.

World Champion

I threw me bones and scryed me heart out to find out de winner of dem inaugural season of Cobbfather World. De thigh bone landed just right to be tellin me dat de Texas Fried Pickles will be your world champions!

Biggest bust

I be knowin dat dem Dover Monster Milers and dem Mexico City Gringos will be stinkin up da joint! Dey better be callin me now for a free readin to find out how to get demselves in da right track!

Stud or Dud - National League

Philippe Montalban - Cobbfather Post Gazette

Today's edition of Stud or Dud focuses on the National League, where stud pitching abounds, and duds live on every corner.

NL North

Minnesota Blue Oxen
Stud: 2B David Vasquez - 328K for an everyday stud hitter, that's a good deal.
Dud: 2B Wilfredo Ordaz - Possibly the teams best prospect, more than likely the teams player most likely to live on the DL.

Rochester Rolling Rocks
Stud: SS Todd Gibbons - Gibbons has got more glove than Isotoner.
Dud: 2B Ben Pillette - Nobody in the Rochester organization could give a good reason why this guy was ever promoted to the big leagues.

Cincinnati Flying Pigs
Stud: C Bill Klaus - He may be from Massachusetts, but he hits the ball like a Panzer tank from Deutschland.
Dud: P Tom Treadway - 1.1 million dollars for a pitcher who can barely hit the broadside of a barn from 2 feet. Nice.

Madison Mucho
Stud: P Pepper Boyer - Hold the salt, Pepper is all the spice you need in a tasty baseball dish.
Dud: 3B Manny Hiro - Umm... Is there any valid reason whatsoever why this old fogey is still cashing a check?

NL East
Dover Monster Milers
Stud: LF Miguel Guererro - Let's face it, this LF can flat out crush the ball. MVP potential here.
Dud: CF Brian Matzuzaka - On the flip side you have a bench rider making 3.4 million for two years.

Tampa Bay Cyclones
Stud: P Wilson Bonds - The bondsman is stingy with his money, he keeps opposing batters on lockdown.
Dud: C Sadie Grissom - This guy would be great, if he could have more than one at bat without a breather.

Pittsburgh KAA-POW
Stud: SS Dan Carter - This young stud has the potential of reaching "uberstud" levels if he plays his cards right.
Dud: 2B Ariel Escobar - At least he is old and might retire soon.

New York Rockefellers
Stud: RF Benito Nieves - Benito is bueno, and will make the citizens of New York happy people.
Dud: P Geoff Flier - The people of New York will not be happy if they see him in the game though.

NL South

Texas Fried Pickles
Stud: C Todd Nicholson - Anytime you have a catcher who can play all 162 games with decent defense, and who can potentially hit above .350, you have a stud.
Dud: RP Paulie Davis - Umm, why is this guy even on the roster? He is hardly capable of throwing BP!

Jacksonville Klines
Stud: LF Buddy Poole - His hitting skills are so sick that any team would want him in their opening day lineup.
Dud: LF Marcus Henderson - At 4.4 million, can you say "overpaid?"

Memphis Goats
Stud: P Kordell Menechino - His pitch selection is like the menu at an italian restaurant, you can't go wrong.
Dud: 2B Candy Reese - There's nothing sweet about his game.

Oklahoma City Fighting Lint
Stud: SS Jack Botallico - He knows Jack about playing the game the right way.
Dud: P Derrick Balboa - Older than Sly Stallone in Rocky VI, and not nearly as talented.

NL West

Sacramento Fighting Cornish Hens
Stud: P Pinky Matheson - Like his relation Richard Matheson, he is hoping to pen "I am Legend."
Dud: RF Todd Cole - Old King Cole wasn't a merry old soul when he saw this guy in the lineup.

Los Angeles Roseboros
Stud: P Louie Grey - California knows how to party when Grey is on the mound.
Dud: CF Felix Brown - But nothing crashes a party like having Felix Brown show up.

Las Vegas Hardways
Stud: C Blake Howell - He's a crusher, and is looking to have his image transferred to a monster truck hood.
Dud: P Mitch Broome - Don't get swept up in the hype, this guy is a dud.

Vancouver Lumberjacks
Stud: P Tony Saunders - Don't be fooled by the long face, he's happy dominating opposing batters.
Dud: P Phil Wynn - At least he's not being paid over a million dollars.

Stud or Dud - American League

Phillipe Montalban - Cobbfather Post Gazette

As the General Managers of Cobbfather comb over their new rosters, there will be some stars, some role players, some talented rookies, and some players on their teams who make a man wonder, "WTF?" In celebration of those players, The Cobbfather Post Gazette is bringing you the studs and duds of Cobbfather World. Today we look at the cream and the crap of the American League.

AL North

Fargo Rat Bastids
Stud: SS Moises Terrero - This baller is a bona fide MVP candidate. Gifted with the glove and the stick, Moises is one tough dude.
Dud: P Thurman Evans - 5.2 million dollars of average.

Pawtucket Pouncing Penguins
Stud: CF Mendy Washington - At 10.5 million dollars, Washington is the teams best player. At 10.5 million dollars, he better prove it.
Dud: P Billy Abercrombie - With this guys control you won't see him in any modeling campaigns, in fact you will be lucky to see him make it past the 3rd inning.

Sioux Falls Great Danes
Stud: CF Sting Bailey - Bailey has the potential to put the sting on many opposing pitchers, truly a gifted CF.
Dud: CF Douglas Malone - "Look Mom, I'm getting paid 3.1 million dollars to be on the AAA team!"

New York Pride of the Yankees
Stud: SS Arthur Montgomery - Good with the glove, good at the plate, good with tips at Shula's Steak House.
Dud: P Olmedo Rodriguez - They must be paying him the 2.6 million dollars to keep him away from the team, because they certainly shouldn't be paying it to keep him on it.

AL East

Hartford Highlanders
Stud: SS Carl Watkins - Young, cheap, and good - the best kind of combo for a player.
Dud: P Lance Grace - With a stamina of 4, the Highlanders are paying roughly 480,000 dollars per pitch.

Durham Radicals
Stud: RF Justin Kennedy - With this guys hitting skills and bargain price, he is totally RADICAL!
Dud: P Butch Thompson - With this guys age and pitching skills, he is totally a BUMMER!

Chicago Old Style
Stud: 2B D.T. Hamilton - Needs to change his name to DDT, because he is a knockout.
Dud: P Rob Hall - Words cannot describe how bad this old fart is.

Trenton Barge Bandits
Stud: P Carl Sosa - We know one thing, projecting to 100 in multiple categories is NICE.
Dud: 3B Bobby Hayes - Honestly, who doesn't like having 3.2 million in the minor leagues?

AL South

Santa Fe Heat Wave
Stud: CF Gerald Durbin - CF with range and a great glove. Can handle the stick as well.
Dud: RP Scot Garcia - With a stamina of 17, and a durability of 37, at least you know he won't be in the game that much.

Monterrey Ducks
Stud: RF Stuart Paulson - Paulson can hit the ball very far, quite often. Good combo.
Dud: 3B Red Nicholson - That's 700K in red ink the Ducks would like to have off the books.

Mexico City Gringos
Stud: SS Davey Mairena - He's not a 10 million dollar man because he stinks, that's for sure.
Dud: CF Bernard Ramirez - On the bright spot, at least he might be able to coach the kids half his age.

Florida Shark Waves
Stud: CF Luke Baker - Another fine player picked up at the Stud CF Emporium.
Dud: 1B David Ozuna - For 4.2 million, you should get more in a first basemen.

AL West

Colorado Beer Bashers
Stud: P Izzy Johnson - Highest paid player on the team is also their best, with good control and great stuff vs. lefties.
Dud: SS Wilson O'Connor - Not even Coors can help this guy hit.

San Diego Spicolis
Stud: 2B Mark Murray - Can play every day, to the delight of management.
Dud: P Yannick Roberts - 4 million to watch this guy pitch is 4 million too much.

Tucson Thunder
Stud: C/DH Jordan Abernathy - Here is a player thanking his lucky stars for the creation of the DH.
Dud: P Monte Martin - Another player from Washed Up Pitcher Warehouse.

St. Louis Wiffle Ball Kings
Stud: SS Joel Clayton - This guy can hit more than a wiffle ball, that's for damn sure.
Dud: LF Patsy Lowell - Living up to his name, Patsy is teaching the kids to bunt in AAA.

Penny Pinching Pouncing Penguins Provoke Pride of the Yankees!

Lester MacGill - Cobbfather Post Gazette

Winter meetings were animated today as trades flew all over the place between every franchise. Every franchise except two that is. Negotiations between the Pawtucket Pouncing Penguins and the New York Pride of the Yankees hit a snag when Penguins GM phillyfan33 rejected 17 consecutive trade proposals by New York GM domiisgod. "What we were trying to achieve was a guiness record for most rejected trade proposals," said Penguins PR rep Chet Biggins. He continued, "Some of the offers may have been fair really, but we want to put Pawtucket on the map, and the way to start is by getting our names in the Guiness book. I have it on good authority that our record will be right next to the worlds longest loogie, which is a great honor."

New York fans were upset and astonished that their neighbor to the North got the jump on them. "What the hell?" exclaimed NY fan Vito Popone. "The Pride of the Yankees are the best team in the universe, we gots contracts with soccer teams in Europe for crissakes! How the management could let those chumps from Pawtucket get in the books ahead of the Pride of the Yankees is f'n ridiculous! I'm calling my bookie Arnie, and he's gonna do something about it," continued the angry fan. NY officials couldn't be reached, but issued a statement saying that they were refusing to work with the difficult Pawtucket franchise until the Pride of the Yankee's

Coming Soon...

In the near future the Post Gazette hopes to publish the Stud or Dud report, season previews, player profiles, and many other fabulous articles. If there is something that you would like to see on the blog, let us know so we can get at it.

~the Editor

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